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******I feel like some kind of zombie. I'm just going through the motions, notliving at all. I guess it doesn't really matter. I've kinda stoppedtalking to God, since He doesn't seem to listen anyway. The other day Iactually screamed at Him, I was so mad. But even that didn't changeanything. Just how long will my torment last?******My knee feels better, which is okay, I guess. I got to thinking aboutwhat happened with my dad and realized it would be pretty selfish of meto kill myself and leave my body for my mom to find after she's alreadylost him. Its getting close to Christmas and the lights look pretty and even thesnow somehow looks better.I don't know if I'm any better, but I'm goingto try and survive.*****Merry Christmas, Diary!It was actually a nice Christmas. John is just glowing with his new-found faith. I'm still struggling with mine, but I'm happy for him. Asfor my gender stuff, well I have a confession. I've been crossdressing,"borrowing" my mom's stuff. I don't. She lay her head on my thigh, as if to nap, and continued to stroke me, only now with her head centimeters from my throbbing arousal. After several minutes of this, she began to kiss my thigh below my shorts' leg, and at the same time reach into my underwear and stroke me, skin on skin. I certainly was working hard to keep my eyes and mind on the road!I began to ooze from the end of my dick, and she capitalized on that by swiping the end, extracting her hand, and sucking my secretions from her fingers. She turned to me, reached up and drew herself to my ear. There, she murmured, "You are still as tasty as I remember. I love your fat hard cock. I love your taste. I love how you throb in my hand, in my mouth, in my pussy, in my ass. When you swell inside me, it makes me come so hard, I don't know what to do. I just hope I can keep quiet enough when you shoot your stuff into my mouth, that I don't wake the babies. But, with your hard throbbing cock deep in my throat, I don't know if.
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